Earlier today, I said to M, " I have a problem and I need your help."
He, with concern in his voice, replied, "Ok, what's wrong?"
Completely distraught, I responded, "I really want to grow my hair out!"
"Well, stop watching all those Youtube videos!"
He was so right! I have gone back and forth on the issue of whether or not I should grow out my hair. I have literally changed my mind more than a million times. With each change of my mind, M has been there to listen to my list of pro's and cons. But recently I made my decision. I decided, I was not growing my hair out any time within the next year.
The main reasons why I have considered growing it, was:
A. I felt it would add to the credibility of my hair care products, if I actually had hair.
B. I really want to contribute more substantially to the Natural Hair Acceptance Movement. I have felt that having more hair would be a bigger contribution. I mean, how can I really be relevant to a hair movement, when I don't even have hair!
C. I sometimes have the urge to do a style tutorial, and then I go the bathroom and see what little hair I have to work with, and there in the bathroom, my little dreams are crushed.
But I got over all of those reasons.
I finally gave myself permission to just be me and do what I WANT to do with MY hair. All of the reasons I had for growing out my hair had nothing to do with me actually wanting longer hair. I love the low maintenance of my style. I feel so sexy in it and have decided short hair suits me. My husband loves it. And it is just as unique as I am. I love to stand out in a crowd, and being a fade wearing woman, standing out comes with the territory.
All of my reasons for wanting hair had to do with what I thought other people wanted and expected from me. It was also a result of putting unrealistic expectations on myself. As much as I believe in the Natural Hair Acceptance Movement, I am not single-handedly responsible for motivating and encouraging EVERY single woman out there to go natural. With my current length, I may not be the best person to talk about how much and how quickly natural hair grows, but there are plenty of other naturals whose hair speaks volumes to that truth. What I do contribute, however, is no less important because of my style choice.
I, pride myself on being a testament to the wonderful outcome which can happen as a result of doing a big chop (BC). Many of you know, I was terrified to cut my hair off. I thought I was going to look like a man and forever cross over into the land of ugly as a result of cutting my hair off. It brings me great joy to know how I can encourage others not to be so afraid of the big chop. I am proud of my contribution. I also like showing new naturals that not every natural is involved in the race to bra strap length (BSL) hair. Some of us are just enjoying the ride and are in no rush to have more hair to manage (in addition to the other million things we have to manage each day ;D).
I finally had to say to myself, " My natural is beautiful too!" Just because I have no great length to boast about, or any great styling methods to teach, I am STILL A NATURAL! This is simply my style choice. When we go natural, we do not have to grow out longer hair in order to justify our decision. Natural hair is versatile and the styling options are unlimited. This just happens to be my preference for now. This is "My Natural" and it is beautiful.
After coming to those conclusions, I made the choice to not grow my hair out within the next year at least. THEN.....last night I watched a bunch of natural hair videos. Style after style, one beautiful natural after the next. Before I could say, "My natural is beautiful", I found myself fantasizing about twist outs and bantu knots and two strand twists. I actually wanted some hair.
I was really confused after watching the videos. So my husbands words, were like gold! Today I made a decision to no longer watch style tutorials, at least until I begin growing my hair back.
This is great...instead of caring about what others think or expect of us. We should do what makes us happy.
ReplyDeleteI think you give strength and encourage those women who like yourself want to rock short hair but are self conscious but you show them that you can still be beautiful and sexy with short hair, its not about your hair but about your personality. Because you are an awesome woman of God.
ReplyDeletethis is such an awesome post and i agree with the other posters. i recentlylike u go back and forth about growing out my hair after making many bad decisions with my hair, i discovered that my caesar hairstyle suits me and i love the neatness and the low maintenance of it. i don't have to be in any race to have long hair. life is about changing and re-inventing. it's so much fun to be able to do what we can do with out hair and love it so much and be confident with it. and yes, sunshine thanks for ur contribution. they are more to me than you will ever know :)
ReplyDeleteVery funny story and I could remember when I did my big chop..your same thoughts had coupled up in my mine as well..Interesting!!
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