It's really weird to be sitting here writing this right now. We (Dimeji and I) just returned home earlier today, from our weekend in San Diego, where we left M, for recruiting school. It's not the first time my husband and I have been separated and perhaps it won't be the last, but this time it feels weird. Although M is only three hours away, and we can go see him as often as we would like, I miss him.
The last time he left, the time apart was a huge growing phase for me, and I know this time will be no different. I guess I'm slightly nervous about what I am about to undertake over the next seven weeks.
*Sitting here trying to think of how to start this, or even what to say... I guess I'm just gonna blurt it out*
It is time for me to experience a break though! I just turned 30, we are moving to a city that is perfect for the launch of my business and with a new city, there comes opportunities to be a new person. With all that in mind, added with the fact that my husband is gone for seven weeks, I know now is the time for my breakthrough.
I believe in the product I make (whipped and scented Shea butter items), I have sold them before and there is not a week that goes by without someone e-mailing me wanting to buy it. I believe I am a talented blogger/vlogger and thanks to God I have managed to have people willing to read and watch the content I produce... Yet, I am not where I want to be right now. I still do not believe God has truly released the full blessing He intends for my products and website. I know there is so much more waiting for me. But...
I keep getting stuck in the same places. Which is why I need a breakthrough. One huge issue for me is my lack of organization. No matter how hard I have tried in the past, I have not been able to get organized. It seems like I have all the best ideas and best intentions in the world, but wen it comes to acting on them, there is a major disconnect. Because I have no real way of managing my time and no structure for how to go about my day, I am left frozen in place not knowing what to do. I beat myself up about it for a while because I felt like I "should" know how to be an organized person. I have spent time getting organized in the past, but it never stuck.
I need a break though in that area.
My confidence is not where it needs to be. (There. I said it!) It's a battle, one in which I have had some victories, but it still keeps popping up. I wrote in a message to a friend on NatSun once,
I sometimes wonder if confidence is really an illusion. What I mean is; you are doing the very thing you think you need more confidence to do. So perhaps you have all the confidence you need. Maybe we just want all the discomfort to go away and all the hurt that comes when others dislike our decisions. But what if, it's just human nature to struggle with that. Perhaps, the fact that we don't back down from what we have decided, proves that we are sufficiently confident and the level of confidence we are still aspiring to, is nothing more than a mirage.
Just a thought!
With that thought in mind, I wonder how much of this "lack of confidence" I have is even real.
Bottom line, it's time for a break through. I am ready for change in my life. I am tired of going around the same mountain over and over again. For the next seven weeks my breakthrough is what I am chasing. I don't know if you are even supposed to chase a break though, but I want mine so badly I don't know what else to do.
In the area of organization, I am so thankful to have recently come across a book on the topic that has been very helpful to me during this short time I have had it. Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity by David Allen (I recorded a video about the book.)
I hope to use this space over the next seven weeks to document my journey. Please pray for me that I will be steadfast and committed to receiving my break though!
~Sunshine
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