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| Here is a little bit of my fall home decor. Behind me are two wreaths I made! |
After recording the video "Write the Vision Make it Plain", I was completely overwhelmed with everything I needed to do on a daily basis to make my plan work. I was paralyzed by disillusionment with the way gender roles and family gender roles were affecting the distribution of labor in my home. To make it all work, I was going to have to run around in circles from sun up to sun down like a chicken with its head cut off.
You see, I wrote the plan after finally accepting that I would receive little or no help, from my husband, with the children or the home. I had already learned after having our first son, that 95% of his care fell on me. Also, 92% of house work, 79% of grocery shopping, 100% of cooking, 95% of laundry and 100% of planning family activities. With the birth of child number two, and child number one beginning school (insert homework, bus stop, so-many-pieces-of-paper-coming-home-that-required-my-signature) my home-work got a boost of steroids. But that was just the way things were in our home. And, if I was going to make my vision work, the vision of being a #Mompreneur, I was going to have to do it with my kids strapped on my back, during nap time, after all my other chores were done and after I had read my boys their bed time stories.
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| Love the glow from my "Pumpkin Pie" scented candle. |
I wanted it so badly though! To be a successful #Mompreneur. I wanted to figure out how to do it all, so I could share with other women in my shoes, how they too could reach their full potential while feeling oppressed by the gender roles displayed in their homes. Also, I needed it! Because, while all the home-work fell on my shoulders there was also an unshakable, (sometime not so) silent, pressure on me to make money.
This is how it would go down; If I was working outside the home, I was expected to do all my home-work and my work-work with little decrease to the percentages. If I was focused on the home-work and squeezing in my hustle, there was no decrease in the percentages but still the pressure. If I was just working on home-work, there was this sort of belittling I had to deal with. A (sometimes not so) silent sort of attitude that said, since you don't work, you're not as important. You don't need a break. You don't need help. You do nothing so you deserve nothing. So after trying every different set of circumstances, I concluded that being a #Mompreneur was the only way I could be the mom I wanted to be and also make an income.
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| A little pumpkin, owl and turkey in the bathroom. |
But like I said, writing out that plan brought me face to face to fact that some things needed to change. I couldn't allow things to continue the way they were. It wasn't fair to me. So during the time I was away, I was making changes. Mostly in my own mind about what I would no longer tolerate. I was also trying to figure out what I wanted. What was important to me. For so long I was consumed with "we" and "us" and trying to make someone else happy. I forgot about me.
I am enrolled in online classes and on target to graduate with my Bachelors of Science degree in another year. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet and not have to depend on anyone. I want to have something to fall back on in case my dreams of being a #Mompreneur don't come true. I wanted to be the woman I can be proud of and I wanted to maximize my potential.
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| Fall dishes and towels in the kitchen! I LOVE fall. |
I demand respect in my home and no longer feel bound by antiquated gender roles my husband and I grew up with. I still have the same standards for how I want my home to look and how I want my children to be raised, but I don't put all the weight on my own shoulders. I delegate and I also let some things go undone because I can't do it all. I won't kill myself trying to be Superwoman.
I refuse to feel pressure to do anything more than the million little things I do each day for my family. I am learning to value my contributions whether they result in tangible dollars or if the reward is knowing I am investing in the bright future of my children.
I am doing the best I can with the time I have to accomplish my goals. As long as I feel healthy, I am not dependent upon unhealthy stress relief activities to make it through the day, and I have the love and respect of myself, my children and my siblings, I'm #winning.
So what about you? How do your learned gender roles play out in your home? Are they antiquated?
~Sunshine
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